2016: A New Year

By Falcon | Random Falcon

Dec 31

Okay, so it's soon to be 2016 and what does that mean? That most of us will spend the next couple months writing the date wrong.

It's also an election year, in case you haven't been beaten over the head with that enough during 2015. I always remember leap years because they coincide with election years. Because we need that extra day of bullshit. Seriously, could we move the leap day to after the election so we have one bonus day for having to deal with the politics so much.

But the craziest thing about 2016 is who can run for president. No, I'm not talking about “he-who-shant-be-maned” (get it? because he's got that whacked hairdo?), I'm talking about those people that were born in the US, 35 years ago and have resided in the US for the last 14 years.

People like Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and more. Whaaaaat? Yeah, that's right, there are a slew of new potential candidates that can run for president this year and none of them are politicians. And now that's I've typed it, I seriously want Britney to run for President. “Who's the next president of the US?” “It's Britney, bitch!”

Or did you know that Captain America, Chris Evans, will be of legal presidenting age this year? That'll teach other countries what's what. Get out of line, Captain America will come and punch you in the jaw.

Or even Simba. Yeah, that's right, Johnaton Taylor Thomas could be signing, “I just can't wait to be President!”

These ideas may seem ridiculous, but are they any more ridiculous than Trump running? Or that a third Bush is running? With a name like Jeb? Is that any crazy that suggesting that we should elect Summer Glau instead? (Seriously, how bad-ass would that be? We might not be able to get Arnold, but we could still elect a Terminator.)

What's the point to this long, meandering post? There really isn't one, other than I seriously don't want to see Trump elected. If need be, I'll run for President.

Oh yeah, I turn 35 this year as well. And as a native-born American, 35 years of age and residing in the US for allll of my life, I'm eligible to run for President of the United States.

If you'd rather not vote for a politician, share this post and let people know there are options. I'll run, but I'd rather we get Josh Gad to run. We need a President that can sing.

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About the Author

Falcon Storm was born in the frozen wastelands of Alaska. All that time spent in the dank, dark cold was quite enough, so he moved far, far away to the slightly-less-cold state of Michigan and now continues to seek out warmth by making others laugh. From role-playing games to spinning tall tales, he’s always been a storyteller. These days he writes about funny and fantastical worlds set just beneath the surface of our own and works from home assisting in the day-to-day operations of Novel Publicity and raising his and Emlyn’s sassafras daughter, Phoenix.